stolen from hey chris's buzznet: running the internet with an iron fist. praying nightly for a black flag reunion. wishing i lived in oakland in 1969. david lee roth. anal porn. facial moisturizers. playing internet boyfriend for the masses. damning tourists to hell. plagiarizing. not knowing when to stop. licking braces. kicking puppies. perfecting the art of masturbation. writing words like i know what im talking about. reading books for inspiration. cursing the heavens. circle pitting in my living room to early 90s hardcore.

stolen from WMHC website: One chilly Fall morning in the 70's, Christopher was reluctantly pushed out screaming into the dank Chicago air, where he was promptly washed of all blood and excrement, held up by a woman, then whisked away to be raised in a lower-middle class racially mixed suburb. Being raised as a "latch key kid" in a single parent home, he found a plethora of mischief to get himself into. Having found god (aka: punk rock) in the 80's, he began going to shows, reading leftist propaganda, and diving from stages all while still keeping a firm toe-hold in the world of late night suburban vandalism., Discovering the straight edge philosophy in the late 80s, he embarked upon his quest for world domination through the unconventional ways of self-empowerment, self-reliance, and positivity with his middle finger brazenly held high... all while running away from frat boys and yuppie clones., Christopher began writing a fanzine compromised of stories about realizing one's potential, a sense of community and masturbation techniques. Early in the new millennium, a group of ex-bandmates and friends wrote a song about him. As the band's popularity grew, so did Christopher's. He jumped at the chance for a title shot for the belt as "the reigning king of the internet shit-talking" to which his detractors gladly bestowed upon him., Today, Christopher maintains a near-homeless lifestyle in a dark bunker of an apartment in the heart of yuppie enemy Chicago territory., Christopher feeds himself and keeps the lights on working as a hair stylist at one of Chicago's most pretentious hair salons in the downtown sector. He lets his words and his ego run rampant on the internet, in books, on clothing, and on CD's, all while still managing to make less than the poverty level as set by the United States Department of Welfare. While he doesn't have much, he makes up for it with stories that will burn the back of your skull and make your heart flutter, and possibly vomit out of your ass.

history channel, discovery channel